


Put your head on my shoulder.

by embrcethevoid



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: A bit sad, Alternate Universe, Based on a song, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, but not really sad tho, fuflly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:01:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22220713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embrcethevoid/pseuds/embrcethevoid
Summary: You know as they say you shouldn't talk to strangers, accept things from strangers, give personal information and shit? Dan and Phil just do all that."Oi, c'mon!" The stranger protested unhappy "Didn't your mum told you not to accept drinks from strangers?""I'm a bad listener. Tell me your story."
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Put your head on my shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> TW:  
> \- Drinking.  
> \- Swears.  
> \- Mentions of sex.  
> \- Mentions of family issues.  
> \- Mentions of homophobia. 
> 
> excuse grammatical mistakes i'm really dumb.

Dan slammed the door behind him even if it was too late in the night for that. The noise got lost in the universe, probably not heard by a single alive soul as it was disguised by a thunder that echoed. The parking lot was empty, the huge Motel sign was old and it’s light’s only worked on the Mtel, it reflected its glow on the floor, together with the moon and yellow lights that were all over the building, the one above Dan’s door was flickering. The rain was heavy and the autumnal wind lifted some leafs. Classic American horror movie, and he couldn't promise that he was not gonna be that dumb person that was obviously gonna be murdered. A passing car's headlight shined on Dan’s face, hurting his teary eyes.

At first he didn’t heard it, as he sat on the edge of the balcony, passing each leg through the wide enough grid, not minding the rain that soaked his bare feet, his thoughts were drifting to a place far far away, across the ocean, and another thunder rocked the sky. At first he didn’t heard the song that was softly playing in the background, a sweet slow melody and a humming that added to his misery. When he heard it, he snapped his head looking behind him, and got jumped scared by a man resting his elbow in the open window of the next room, his chin in the palm of his hand. He laughed at Dan’s jump.

“Night!” The man said with a smile that seemed that carried the weight of the world but was unbothered by it. His glass was down his nose and his hair was messy pushed back, he just had one of those faces that would tell you that the rain smelled nice and that tomorrow is another day.

Dan closed his eyes, recollecting his heart beat, the rain did smelled nice, but he wasn't sure if tomorrow was another day. "Night.” he said, forcing a smile out and went back to facing the parking lot, resting his head in the cold and wet iron grid. He didn't recognise the song, but the song recognized him.

_I'm just a lonely boy_   
_Lonely and blue_   
_I'm all alone_   
_With nothin' to do_

Dan chuckled. Yep, sounds like him. And it looked and sounded and smelled like a surreal, carefully written situation, chosen words, built, crafted by the universe just to mock him. Built, crafted by the universe with bricks of small details above bricks of small details, right when his live was falling apart, all just to mock him. The stranger hummed along to his downfall. Dan almost mistook his question by just another lyric.

"What happened?" He sings with the song "lonely boy."

Dan didn't even though about answering, he just do, instinctively, "I grew up." He says.

The stranger laughed "Same."

And Dan laughed too, almost cried.

"I grew up, did the worthless shit out of theater, got a job, dropped out of uni, thought that I fell in love, thought that I hated my family more than before, lost my shit, moved to America, got a job, got a boyfriend, got a worthlees shit of a theater company, got dumped by all of them, and by my bank and landlord, got on my bike and cycled so fucking much, once again not ever looking back, ended up in here, begged at my knees to work for a room" Dan felt his familiar warm and salty tears run down his cheeks and touch his mouth. He made an awful sound of misery and brokenness and pain. "Then, an hour later, I cried it all out for a complete stranger."

"Relatable legend!" The stranger said, making Dan giggle and turn back to look at him, who was now sipping something that wasn't wine in a wine glass.

"We shouldn’t giggle" Dan said serious "It isn't funny."

"But it is a bit, isn't it?" He made Dan laugh again, almost cry again, almost feel something good hearing a British accent again.

"What are you drinking?" Dan asked.

"Vodka."

"In a wine glass?"

"I'm completely broke." The stranger lowered his head.

"So you're drinking vodka in a wine glass?"

"Well, I gotta drink somewhere, ain't I? What now, you're the glass police undercover?"

"That's not the point." Dan shaked his head.

"Shut up." The stranger offered the glass to Dan, who slid closer to the window and take it and drink it all in one go, despite hearing loud and clear his mother in his head saying you shouldn't drink anything a stranger offers you.

"Oi, c'mon!" The stranger protested unhappy "Didn't your mum told you not to accept drinks from strangers?"

"I'm a bad listener. Tell me your story."

The stranger sighed and looked deep at Dan's eyes. They could see each other better now, the stranger had the prettiest blue-greenish eyes, a nose that got a personality, and some kind of aurea Dan couldn't understand yet. He just wanted to know what the stranger understood of him.

"I could have it all. I could be it all." He begin to tell "I could have and be it all that I could buy. And I did. But I grew up too, and I wanted and was something I couldn't buy: I wanted a boy, I was gay as fuck." Dan slightly interrupted the stranger's life story to click theirs glasses together and mutter _cheers._ They both smiled. "I kept my mouth shut, graduate university, mind you. Thought I fell in love, thought I loved my family more than I did. Got disowned by both of them. Lost my shit, robbed my parents, moved to America to teach English for free to refugees, started living in a motel, got a job at a university, got a apartment, got no boyfriends as boys sucks, but still got accused of sleeping with one of the students by some homophobic fucker whose dad's contributed a ton to the university, got fired, went back to live in a motel, still teach English to refugees...delivers pizza, steal vodka and glasses of wine and other stuff from rich people, talk to strangers, live exactly what they call the good life." The stranger smirks.

For some this could all seem pretty sad, but Dan was grinning from ear to ear, eyes sparkling. "Living the life of a hero."

The stranger giggled, "Phil."

Dan took a few seconds to understand "Quite boring for a hero's name." They both smiled "Dan."

The stranger, now Phil, agreed with his head "Quite cute." And Dan almost blushes. Phil disappear from his window for about 3 seconds and come with another wine glass. Pour vodka in both glasses and handle one to Dan.

"So you stole two wine glasses, huh?"

"Just in case a boy comes cry at my window in the middle of the night. You have to be ready."

Dan laughs and take a big sip of the glass and watches as this time Phil was the one taking it all in one shot.

"You believe in strangers quite fast, don't you?" Phil says.

"I'm a theater kid who likes a bit of law, I'm pretty good at knowing when people are lying."

"Fuck off, do you really like law?"

"I like legally blonde, so you can say that yes."

Phil laughs throwing his head back, and Dan couldn't remember the last time he did that to someone. "I never talk about my life to anyone, and when I do, I invent something else. And you just appears and I tell you everything and you don't judge or even ask questions, you just sit there and believe in me."

Dan chuckles "You want me to ask questions and not believe in you?"

"Not exactly what I said."

"I know you don't deliver pizza."

Phil's eyes widen, but he raises his eyebrows in disbelief "And how would you know that, Elle Woods?"

"Instinct, and before lying you made a pause, thought a bit, voice trembled, lied. It takes barely seconds, but a good lawyer notices."

"You're not as hot as Sherlock Holmes though, or Elle Woods." Phil tensed up just enough for Dan to know he was probably right.

"C'mon, I'm right, ain't I?"

"Nah, mate, sorry. Glad you dropped out university."

Dan wasn't convinced, he made a face "Right, what's all this then?"

"I do work delivering pizzas," Phil said in a defensive voice but then paused and blushed a bit "I'm also a waiter and sometimes performancer at strip club." He rushed his words, but said like it didn’t mattered, and it really didn’t.

But Dan giggled anyway, felt pride at being right, and felt something for Phil's blush. "Do you wear those playboy outfits?"

Phil blushed even more and smirked "Kinda of, except we're cats."

"Epic." Dan smirked too and knew that if he was more drunk he would be in love already. As if he could read minds, Phil, the stranger, poured him another drink.

He wanted to say more, he probably could say a ton more, but they both fell in silence. Not uncomfortable, not awkward, just silence. And rain, and thunder, and music. So many thoughts, some silent stolen glass wines of vodka, some minutes, some looks of mutual understanding. Some boys lost in the woods of America, deep inside the woods of life. Far from home, far from knowing what it was. One that had a beautiful voice and seemed unbothered enough to sing.

Dan, in the other hand, felt the weight of everything crashing him, he couldn't hit a single note, he never knew the song. He was always sobbing and trembling, brain too far from his mouth. He was always floating above him and everyone else, could never take control, living in an invisible plane of existence.

He used to be the flirty type of drunk, but as all the good stuff turns to bad, he's now the crying type. He looked at Phil again, he looked so good, the cheap yellow light on his face was poetic, he looked just like the smell and the noise of the rain, bittersweet, just like this unusual situation, that was pathetic and still brought such a good feeling. He started to cry. Not shy and reserved and full of apologize for existing like he always do, he start to cry loud and hard. Like it all had to escape, run away as fast as it could like he always did. It had to be heard by someone else, like he never did. It had to tell it's story.

All he felt was the word shaking, wet on his face, the vibration his pain did in his throat. He saw dark and sometimes his parents' faces. He heard his crying noises and the sky's. Until he felt a hand trying to hold his, and he let it. Until he felt a force pulling him from the ground, and he let it. Then, He felt a hug, and he hugged back. He felt the pressure from the grip holding him to earth. He felt the force swinging him softly, as he slowly stopped feeling the weight of everything and his own weight, as he slowly slowed down his cry. He saw a shoulder he knew it was Phil's. He heard a melody instead of pain, and two males voices that could sing, one from Phil's room, one from Phil.

_Put your head on my shoulder_   
_Hold me in your arms, baby_   
_Squeeze me oh-so-tight_   
_Show me that you love me too_

Dan did as they said. He rested his head on Phil's shoulder, snuggled his nose in his neck. He smelled like celebration, vodka and sweets. Like he baths in alcohol and a million different sweets. Dan kept crying a bit more and let be dragged around to the rhythm.

_Put your lips next to mine, dear_   
_Won't you kiss me once, baby?_   
_Just a kiss goodnight, maybe_   
_You and I will fall in love (you and I will fall in love)_

Dan wanted to do as they said again, especially as Phil spun him around and they giggled and glued foreheads.  
But thunders echoed and lighting strikes, everything purple, yellow and dark blue, reminding that it is just as scary as it is beautiful. But they stumble as they spin, reminding Dan he is just as tipsy as he is careful.

“You know, we should do one more reckless thing.” Dan asks.

“Kiss you.” Bold as the lightning bolt.

“Kiss me.” Dan answers “Then, move in with me.”

Phil laughs, tongue between his teeth “Okay, a bit fast.”

“It’s not like we’re gonna be in love or anything, it’s just one less rent, you know? Just two broke blokes sharing a block of concrete.”

Phil smile wide with his teeth “You’re a funny little man.”

Dan shrugs and shake his head “I’m taller than you.”

Phil mimics Dan shrug and make the space between them even smaller “Thinking we ain’t gonna fall in love.” words coming through his smirk.

“I swear I’m not saying this for some, like, weird thing, I’m just really desperate.” Dan hates how he has to blush like a teenager.

Phil loses his grip a bit, give an unrecognizable look at Dan “Okay.” He says wiggling his left foot.

“Okay what?” Dan hate how he has to be nervous.

Phil looks at the ground for some seconds, Dan definitely feel something about the way he blushes too. Phil, the stranger, as they both know he his, but soon to be the most known thing on Dan’s earth, tights the grip of his arms around Dan’s waist and laughs his full of heartbeat laugh, with his full chest “And they were roommates.”

“Shut up!” Dan kiss him, hand up his neck, hand gripping his shirt. A casual casualty of the universe full of promises and destiny. Shit both of them didn’t even believed in. Giving sense to the song in the background and the vile cruel rain. Finding meaning in all of the other songs like this. Saying _Goodnight, you can sleep in peace._ Tasted like eating pasta while drunk. Dan thought he would never tell any of this, and he knew it was a lie.

When the kiss ended Phil didn’t said anything at first, he just rested his head on Dan’s shoulder and they kept dancing, so slow only they knew what it was. “Thank you.” Phil finally said.  
“Okay. Thank you.” Dan said a bit awkward.

“Okay.”

After some stumbles and kisses on Dan’s neck, and chin, and nose, and cheeks and mouth and some confirmations that _Hey despite we’re tipsy as hell right now, we know what we are doing, right?_ And Dan’s attempts to convince Phil to let him visit the catboy at work. After more stumbles and singing and humming to the trees of the woods they are lost in, to emotions flickering with the lights, and the wind trying to lift them up, they ended up against a wall, drooling in each others mouths, deleting personal space from existence, not wanting to ever stop.

“Do you wanna, like…uh” Dan blushed and looked at the ground, trying to find the rights words to say “have depressed sex?”

“Bro, that’s the best kind.” Phil said, Dan didn’t even knew if he was being ironic or not.

“That’s the only kind that I have.” Dan hold back a laugh.

“Dope.” And it’s awkward as sometimes it has to be, and hopeful, giggling like they have never done in years.

“Okay.” Dan says and rest his head on Phil’s shoulder again “After this song. A have to get just a little bit sadder.”

Phil’s laugh could wake up a neighbor if the world wasn’t still falling “Okay, after this song.” He rested his head on Dan’s shoulder too.

**Author's Note:**

> ifyoulikesubscribeandringthebell
> 
> @embrcethevoid
> 
> a peaceful 2020


End file.
